Green butterfly

There is one person I trust to open up to completely but I'm terrified of being a burden. In the moment I fear my health will take me down before life itself has a chance! I can only pray that if a strange occurance cost my life someone will care enough to ask questions. I know this friend would probably be upset if she knew the truth in how far out of hand this crazy event has gotten! I suspect my health concerns are related to why it's gone so far? Vertigo? First symptoms 1999 dizzy spells strong enough to put me down for a minute? Only at his house eventually they get worse then breathing problems? Here I am 13 years later because I'm uninsured I can't get the help I need my ears are swollen and I can't hear my sinuses are swollen and I can't breath now my throat is swollen and I struggle for every breath on top of menapause I feel I'm loosing my mind! I need my ears checked I do suspect I will find something that's not suppose to be there? This concern must be confirmed or denied both of which I am ready for. I suspect a tracking device? Is it possible yes with the given events of the last13 years it is probable.
This is where I need a friend I know wears no price tag! When I finially get the courage to aggressively pursue this I need the moral support of someone I know won't turn on me! What it breaks down to is I'm looking for bugs in my ears it's taken 5+ years to even admit its possible what a sick disturbing thought! What's even more disturbing is to find nothing will lead to more questions of how? Either way someone is still in my shadow and they are still one step ahead? Is it still my ex or is there someone else who may want me to believe its him? What are the chances I would find two that hate me? I don't live that kind of life so the suspects are obvious which is a whole new story!
I am scared! There I said it! Now what do I do to combout the fear? If by chance I don't find the courage to seek help answering this question and I don't make it out of this great event alive my dearest friend please try to inspire my babies to stay together family is so important. You are the only person I know who will think twice about my family for this I am eternally grateful. In closing this is not a suicide letter for the first time in my 45 years I'd rather stay and fight back. If I make it out of this crazy shit alive I'm gonna save the world I'm gonna touch every path I'm gonna fight back.